"Amateur Life Is Funny As Seen." by George Pataki WB2AQC
If your coax cable was not cut until now, is because your neighbor does not know yet you are interfering with his TV reception.
If a neighbor is complaining that you are interfering with his TV reception, tell him that his TV is interfering with your radio reception.
If a neighbor is asking why you are talking so much on the radio, tell him that you are giving instructions to secret agents in far away countries.
If your neighbor is asking why you need so much so many wires in your backyard, tell him to protect the neighborhood from lightning.
If your wife is asking how much you paid for your transceiver, tell her that you won it in a raffle.
If your wife is asking why don't you mow the lawn instead of talking on the radio, tell her that you have a secret mission to save the world for democracy.
If your wife is asking why are you replacing her picture on the wall with QSL cards, tell her that is beautiful and you want to protect it from a bank vault.
If you don't see your antenna on your tower, or is a dense fog, or it was blown away.
If you don't hear any stations on any band, or is no propagation, or you don't have an antenna.
If your wife left you because you are too much on the radio, call CQ YL, CQ YL; sure you will find a better one.
If you worked a DX station six times, he always promised QSLs, you sent him cards every time but received nothing, perhaps it is the time to doubt his honesty.
If a DX stsation is asking for more money for his QSL than is required for postage, he is just trying to make a living.
If you doubt the honesty of a DX station,mail him your QSL with a half of a banknote, and send him the other half after you received his card.
If a DX station is working "split" and you keep calling on his frequency, consider changing your name to "LID", everybody is already calling you that.
If a DX station does not answer you, imitate his accent and he will pick you from the pile up.
  If a DX station does not answer you,call him with his accent with a high pitched voice; he will think you are an YL and respond faster.
If you can not get through a pile-up,turn your super big amplifier on and yell "QRP,QRP!".
If it is difficult to work a DX station in a pile-up, yell you have to take me first, I am a disadvantaged minority!
If an angry neighbor is banging on your door yelling that you are ruining his TV reception, act very sleepy and tell him that you are sick, and he just woke you up.
If an neighbor is accusing you that you are disturbing his TV reception,act surprised and offended, and tell him that you did not operate for 6 month.

Let me introduce my friend "George" to you.
I was able to meet him the last time I went around US.
He lives in NY, Good guy indeed, Oh good daddy type one.